Markers are fun, aren’t they?
My kid is an ART. PRODIGY.
Is it bad that I don’t even care that he colored all over himself? At least it wasn’t a wall.
My kid has pipes. Not plumber pipes, not a musical instrument, and no, he doesn’t have biceps like his dad (yet). Liam can SCREAM.
He’s almost two and at this awesome developmental stage, he often gets frustrated because he doesn’t yet have the vocabulary to express his emotions or let us know his wants/needs.
So he screams.
Sometimes he screams so hard his little face turns red and he makes himself cough. When that happens, we tell him he’s not a monster, he’s a little boy. Whatevs. I’d rather have him express himself vocally than throw toys or hit.
However, Liam is like his daddy when it comes to being frustrated… they both go from 0-50 in like 0.2 seconds. Me, on the other hand – I’m like a teapot: I can remain under control and calm when I’m frustrated or stressed, but if I’m continuously pushed, my blood pressure will boil and boil until GAME OVER.
Except for yesterday. Yesterday, I wasn’t a teapot. Yesterday, I too, was a monster.
It went down like this:
I was helping Liam with a little Nerf gun. Showing him to put the darts in and pull the loader back to shoot the darts. Apparently I wasn’t working fast enough for him because out of nowhere came the monster-child with a scream so shrill and loud that it totally startled me. In a completely involuntary response, I screamed too – LOUDLY – because his scream literally scared the shit out of me. And my scream scared the shit out of him.
SO there we were. Both silent. Both staring at each other trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. I handed him back the Nerf gun and away he went, like nothing happened. Like The Scream was just that: a ghost of the past.
Happy New Year! I haven’t posted in awhile… you might think it’s because the holidays can be busy. While that is true, the real reason is because of this sequence of events:
In conclusion, OMG everyone has been sick. Over the past five weeks or so, I’ve experienced everything from that pesky runny nose that comes on suddenly and without warning running like a faucet down your face, to feeling like I was getting stabbed in the throat every time I swallowed, to cleaning up toddler puke (not spit-up, PUKE – what kind? “CHUNKY!”) to finally, as my husband kindly puts it, having “the Hershey squirts.”
Let me tell you, you have not lived until you have cleaned up chunky toddler puke twice in one night. It was the oddest thing – Liam puked, and then acted totally normal. Running around his room playing and being a goofball. I called an on-call nurse at 3:30 am not because I was worried he had puked twice that night already, but because I didn’t know what to do with a randomly-puking toddler. Like, do you just put him back in his crib and hope he doesn’t puke again? Yes – the answer is yes you do. Well, Ok then. I got lucky – no round three on the toddler-puke-wagon.
Now, taking care of and cleaning up after a pooping husband, that is something else entirely and we are just not going to get into that part of my holiday break. “The end” on that portion.
It’s been en eventful holiday season. Beyond the sickness we have been so cheerfully passing around our family, we were invited to two New Year’s Eve parties…. both of which got cancelled. One due to Influenza A and the other due to pink eye. GAH!
Still, the holidays were filled with family and joy and cheer. Here are a few pictures of Liam with his favorite Christmas gifts: his child-sized Dyson vacuum cleaner and “Baby Levi.”
Happy New Year and be well, everyone!
This morning, Liam picked his nose and wiped a bugger on me. I didn’t even flinch.
Yesterday, I saw his nose was running and I didn’t have a Kleenex, so I wiped it with my finger.
Two days ago, I picked up a chunk of fallen poo with my fingers.
Last week, I caught Liam licking spilled milk off the floor. I rolled with it.
What does all of this say about me? I have no idea, but I have decided that motherhood lowers your standards for everything. And apparently Liam hasn’t gotten the memo that he should raise his.
I’m cool with it. Happy Thursday.
So, I haven’t posted in awhile. I suppose that’s good, because it means that nothing incredibly stupid or awful has happened that has inspired me to post. But it is time. And you know what inspired me today?
ELF ON THE SHELF. Fuckin’ creepy – that is all.
Well, that should be all. That statement should need no further explanation, but I think I am in the minority with this opinion, so here is a brief explanation on why this creepy little elf fucker will not make its way into my home.
When I’m trying to <get dressed, do my hair/makeup, cook, clean, insert parent-duty-thing-here> I will sometimes give Liam something to do as a distraction so I can get said thing done.
Well, sometimes that backfires.
Here is a list of things I have learned to only give to an un-attended toddler with caution.
In a lot of ways, I feel like I should have seen each of these blunders coming. Live and learn, and then come up with new and better toddler distractions.
This Halloween was Liam’s first that we got all dressed up together and went Trick-or-Treating!
Because at 20-months I can dress Liam all cutesy and he doesn’t really care, he was a cuddly monkey. I borrowed a banana costume from a friend… and I wanted my husband to be The Man in the Yellow Hat so we could be a little Curious George family, but he opted for something “cool” – he was a nijna. Sweet.
Well, in 45 minutes, we made it around the block. Once. That was it. And while it was fun, it was completely exhausting and not what I expected.
Here’s the run-down of what to expect the first time Trick-or-Treating with a Toddler.
I think he ended up with like 6 pieces of candy, which is fine with me because we don’t really do sugar in our house anyway, but OH MAN. After that experience, this mom had a beer. ;)